Last week we introduced the challenging process of rebuilding trust that one spouse has after being unfaithful. We believe that it is always God’s desire for us to stay committed to our marriage just has He remained true to His covenant with Israel when they were unfaithful. So, this week we’d like to offer some words of advice to help the “offended” spouse work through the process of rebuilding intimacy and trust.
- Ask the questions you need answered … with the right intentions. Some questions may need to be asked … many do not. Do you really want to know all the sordid details … or do you want to get at the root cause of the unfaithfulness? The purpose of your questioning should be to seek understanding, not to gain information that can be thrown back into your spouse’s face! Good questions are not an invasion of privacy, but a way to rebuild intimacy, trust and empathy.
- Respect One Another – Even though you’ve been betrayed and deeply hurt, you need to fight the urge to lash out and repay that pain. Romans 12: 17 says: “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.” Ask God for help in not wanting to punish your spouse through your words, actions and attitudes.
- Forgive … Forgive … and Forgive Some More. Jesus commanded His disciples to forgive 70 x 7 times … because forgiveness is something that needs to be done over and over again. As you move past your “1st forgiveness” experience, you may uncover more things that will need to be forgiven. Remember Satan will be trying his hardest to remind you of your spouse’s sins … hoping that you will withhold forgiveness … “resist the devil and he will flee from you!”
- Take the Leap of Faith: Rebuilding trust and intimacy can be a scary! You’re hesitant to reopen your heart … fearing more pain and rejection. It’s a daunting path for your spouse to travel too. You both want to stay humble, broken … asking God to do His restorative work in your lives and marriage. The Bible promises us that He longs to restore beauty for ashes and to redeem what the locust have eaten. So, take the leap of faith and begin your journey back to intimacy TODAY!
Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.
– Jan. 15-17, 2016 (Black Rock Retreat) Lancaster, Pa
– Feb. 26-28, (Sandy Cove) Md
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