Tag Archives: trust

How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair – Part 2 (for the offended)

Last week we introduced the challenging process of rebuilding trust that one spouse has after being unfaithful.  We believe that it is always God’s desire for us to stay committed to our marriage just has He remained true to His covenant with Israel when they were unfaithful.  So, this week we’d like to offer some words of advice to help the “offended” spouse work through the process of rebuilding intimacy and trust.

  1. Ask the questions you need answered … with the right intentions. Some questions may need to be asked … many do not.  Do you really want to know all the sordid details … or do you want to get at the root cause of the unfaithfulness?  The purpose of your questioning should be to seek understanding, not to gain information that can be thrown back into your spouse’s face!  Good questions are not an invasion of privacy, but a way to rebuild intimacy, trust and empathy.
  2. Respect One Another – Even though you’ve been betrayed and deeply hurt, you need to fight the urge to lash out and repay that pain. Romans 12: 17 says: “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.”  Ask God for help in not wanting to punish your spouse through your words, actions and attitudes.
  3. Forgive … Forgive … and Forgive Some More. Jesus commanded His disciples to forgive 70 x 7 times … because forgiveness is something that needs to be done over and over again.  As you move past your “1st forgiveness” experience, you may uncover more things that will need to be forgiven.  Remember Satan will be trying his hardest to remind you of your spouse’s sins … hoping that you will withhold forgiveness … “resist the devil and he will flee from you!”
  4. Take the Leap of Faith: Rebuilding trust and intimacy can be a scary!  You’re hesitant to reopen your heart … fearing more pain and rejection. It’s a daunting path for your spouse to travel too.  You both want to stay humble, broken … asking God to do His restorative work in your lives and marriage.  The Bible promises us that He longs to restore beauty for ashes and to redeem what the locust have eaten.  So, take the leap of faith and begin your journey back to intimacy TODAY!


Additional Resources to Grow Your MarriageMarriage intensives

What is a “Fan the Flame Marriage Intensive”?

Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.

Upcoming Intensives
 – Jan. 15-17, 2016 (Black Rock Retreat) Lancaster, Pa
– Feb. 26-28, (Sandy Cove) Md

Click here for more information or to schedule a Marriage Intensive now!


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Join us at the Twin Pine Manor – February 5-7, 2016

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How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair – Part 1 (for the offender)

Couples who are wrestling through unfaithfulness frequently ask: “How can we rebuild the trust we once had in our marriage?”

It’s a great question because … Trust is vital to all intimate relationships … when there is no trust … there is no safety … there is no foundation for intimacy to be built on … the trust of your spouse is something that most of us take for granted … until unfaithfulness shatters it.

Proverbs 22:1 (ESV) says, “A good name (To be trusted) is to be chosen rather than great riches.

So let me share with you the ABC’s of rebuilding trust …

  1. Apologize – to both God and your spouse for your sinful actions. Seeking forgiveness begins with repentance.  We need to get things right with God before we can rebuild the relationship with our spouse.  Clearly state your sin and acknowledge the pain you have created.  Detail all the things you plan to do to keep this from ever happening again.  Then ask: Will you forgive me?  And wait for his or her response.
  2. Be Patient – It’s natural to be constantly “grilled” by the offended spouse. Don’t treat this as an invasion of privacy.  Embrace it as a way of rebuilding communication and trust in your relationship.  Don’t be offended if you have to answer the same question … 20 different ways.  Be careful not to use phrases like, “Can we stop now?” or “Haven’t I already apologized enough?” or “Can’t we just put this behind us now?”
  3. Complete Transparency – Be proactive in keeping your spouse “in the know” about everything you’re doing. Grant access to bank accounts, phone records, online activity, and your calendar.  An innocent spur of the moment detour on your way home from work … can lead to fear and anxiety as your spouse fights not to assume the worst!

Rebuilding trust will usually take longer than couples anticipate.  But we know many couples who will tell you their marriages are stronger today than they were before they worked through this process.  If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us!


Additional Resources to Grow Your MarriageMarriage intensives

What is a “Fan the Flame Marriage Intensive”?

Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.

Upcoming Intensives
 – Jan. 15-17, 2016 (Black Rock Retreat) Lancaster, Pa
– Feb. 26-28, (Sandy Cove) Md

Click here for more information or to schedule a Marriage Intensive now!


 

4 Tickets Left … Going Quickly!!

Join us at the Twin Pine Manor – February 5-7, 2016

outside shot

Click for more information as well as reservation details.

sign up

1 Comment

Filed under Fan the Flame Marriage Devotional, Marriage/Family

Are You a “Trustworthy” Spouse?

Marriage is built on trust … love and intimacy flourish in an atmosphere of integrity and faithfulness … they wither and die when these are missing.

Your marriage began with a vow … the forming of a trust … that you would forsake all others … so that you would continue to love … honor … and cherish each other … whether you’re rich or poor … healthy or sick … in good or bad circumstances … you would both be faithful to one another for life.

Let’s be honest … you want to trust that your spouse will always tell you the truth … about what he or she is feeling … thinking … and doing.

You are trusting that your spouse is committed to staying faithful and making the right choices to do so.  He or she is not sharing things they can’t share with you with someone else … your life mate isn’t flirting or seeking attention from others.

You’re trusting that your spouse will always have your best interest at heart … no matter what the circumstances.  You believe the best … that his or her motives are pure toward you.

While being able to trust your spouse is important … your being a trustworthy spouse … is even more essential.

So let’s take a quick quiz:

1. Are you telling your partner the truth about what you’re thinking … feeling and doing?

2. Are you protecting yourself from the temptation of getting too close to someone else … from sharing your heart with another?

3. Are you looking out for the best interest of your spouse?

4. Are you believing the best of him or her?

The best way to build and maintain trust in your marriage is to become a trustworthy spouse… someone your mate can depend on!

Paul says is I Corinthians 4:2 that it is vital for us as Christ followers to be found trustworthy … in all areas of our lives.

So make the commitment today to become a more trustworthy spouse!


Sick of the Cold … Plan for a Marriage Retreat in Cape May, NJ … May 15-17, 2015 (our only Cape May retreat this spring!!)

Cape May, NJ – Marriage Retreat (Click for details and registration)


Additional Resources to Grow Your MarriageMarriage intensives

What is a “Fan the Flame Marriage Intensive”?

Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.

Click here for more information or to schedule a Marriage Intensive now!

sign up

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Filed under Fan the Flame Marriage Devotional, Marriage/Family