Tag Archives: forgiveness

How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair – Part 2 (for the offended)

Last week we introduced the challenging process of rebuilding trust that one spouse has after being unfaithful.  We believe that it is always God’s desire for us to stay committed to our marriage just has He remained true to His covenant with Israel when they were unfaithful.  So, this week we’d like to offer some words of advice to help the “offended” spouse work through the process of rebuilding intimacy and trust.

  1. Ask the questions you need answered … with the right intentions. Some questions may need to be asked … many do not.  Do you really want to know all the sordid details … or do you want to get at the root cause of the unfaithfulness?  The purpose of your questioning should be to seek understanding, not to gain information that can be thrown back into your spouse’s face!  Good questions are not an invasion of privacy, but a way to rebuild intimacy, trust and empathy.
  2. Respect One Another – Even though you’ve been betrayed and deeply hurt, you need to fight the urge to lash out and repay that pain. Romans 12: 17 says: “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.”  Ask God for help in not wanting to punish your spouse through your words, actions and attitudes.
  3. Forgive … Forgive … and Forgive Some More. Jesus commanded His disciples to forgive 70 x 7 times … because forgiveness is something that needs to be done over and over again.  As you move past your “1st forgiveness” experience, you may uncover more things that will need to be forgiven.  Remember Satan will be trying his hardest to remind you of your spouse’s sins … hoping that you will withhold forgiveness … “resist the devil and he will flee from you!”
  4. Take the Leap of Faith: Rebuilding trust and intimacy can be a scary!  You’re hesitant to reopen your heart … fearing more pain and rejection. It’s a daunting path for your spouse to travel too.  You both want to stay humble, broken … asking God to do His restorative work in your lives and marriage.  The Bible promises us that He longs to restore beauty for ashes and to redeem what the locust have eaten.  So, take the leap of faith and begin your journey back to intimacy TODAY!


Additional Resources to Grow Your MarriageMarriage intensives

What is a “Fan the Flame Marriage Intensive”?

Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.

Upcoming Intensives
 – Jan. 15-17, 2016 (Black Rock Retreat) Lancaster, Pa
– Feb. 26-28, (Sandy Cove) Md

Click here for more information or to schedule a Marriage Intensive now!


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Join us at the Twin Pine Manor – February 5-7, 2016

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How Do You Forgive Your Spouse?

How do you forgive a person who was never supposed to hurt you in the first place?  A person who was supposed to have your best interest at heart … a person, who has wounded you, weakened your marriage and damaged your family?

How do you forgive your spouse?

The answer … while it sounds easy … can be very difficult … you do it the same way God has forgiven you

Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

When we play the victim card and say … my personal pain and hurt are more important than the command I have from God to forgive … who is the bigger sinner?  Our selfishness and pride are also inflicting wounds on our spouses … weakening our marriages and alienating our families.

So what does it mean to forgive?  … True forgiveness has three ingredients.

First and foremost … forgiveness is a choice.  I must decide whether I want to hold on or let go … to remain bitter or to get better.  We must choose between following our feelings and desires to judge and punish  … or following God’s desire for us to forgive and love … let’s not forget … we’re God’s child because He chose to forgive us!

Second … forgiveness is excusing the penalty of the offense … it is offering a pardon.  True forgiveness says “I’m not trying to punish or make my spouse pay for his or her sins against me “… again that flows from our understanding that we are not condemned by God … the penalty of sin and death have been forgiven!

And finally … forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment.

We can’t forgive if we hold onto these powerful tools of the devil to divide couples.  Our Heavenly Father desires to love us and always has our best interest at heart …

So, next time your spouse offends you … let him or her know that you have made the choice to forgive … just like your Heavenly Father chose to forgive you!


Join us for a Marriage Retreat!

 Lancaster Host Resort, PA – Marriage Retreat and Special Guest Musician – Matt & Kim Goss – October 9 – 11, 2015

Dr. Bruce and Karen McCracken, founders of House on the Rock Family Ministries will lead you and your spouse through a weekend filled with laughter, romance and re-connection.

Bruce and Karen have been married for over 40 years and have been leading couples events for 25 years.  They bring practical advice for couples … filled with grace that has been tempered by their experience together.

Matt and Kim Goss have been married for 19 years. Matt has been on staff as Worship Pastor of LCBC Church in Manheim, PA since 1999.  In that time the church grew from 700 to over 10,000 people! He is a featured worship leader and speaker at Integrity Music Seminars and many other conferences each year.

Kim is also a prolific singer, songwriter and worship leader. Her much anticipated debut CD was released in Feb. 2011.


Additional Resources to Grow Your MarriageMarriage intensives

What is a “Fan the Flame Marriage Intensive”?

Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.

Click here for more information or to schedule a Marriage Intensive now!

sign up

1 Comment

Filed under Fan the Flame Marriage Devotional, Marriage/Family