Couples who are wrestling through unfaithfulness frequently ask: “How can we rebuild the trust we once had in our marriage?”
It’s a great question because … Trust is vital to all intimate relationships … when there is no trust … there is no safety … there is no foundation for intimacy to be built on … the trust of your spouse is something that most of us take for granted … until unfaithfulness shatters it.
Proverbs 22:1 (ESV) says, “A good name (To be trusted) is to be chosen rather than great riches.
So let me share with you the ABC’s of rebuilding trust …
- Apologize – to both God and your spouse for your sinful actions. Seeking forgiveness begins with repentance. We need to get things right with God before we can rebuild the relationship with our spouse. Clearly state your sin and acknowledge the pain you have created. Detail all the things you plan to do to keep this from ever happening again. Then ask: Will you forgive me? And wait for his or her response.
- Be Patient – It’s natural to be constantly “grilled” by the offended spouse. Don’t treat this as an invasion of privacy. Embrace it as a way of rebuilding communication and trust in your relationship. Don’t be offended if you have to answer the same question … 20 different ways. Be careful not to use phrases like, “Can we stop now?” or “Haven’t I already apologized enough?” or “Can’t we just put this behind us now?”
- Complete Transparency – Be proactive in keeping your spouse “in the know” about everything you’re doing. Grant access to bank accounts, phone records, online activity, and your calendar. An innocent spur of the moment detour on your way home from work … can lead to fear and anxiety as your spouse fights not to assume the worst!
Rebuilding trust will usually take longer than couples anticipate. But we know many couples who will tell you their marriages are stronger today than they were before they worked through this process. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us!
Our marriage intensives are more than a couple’s weekend retreat. They are intimate, personalized coaching sessions designed to help you identify and address your specific needs. Intensives are more powerful than one hour counseling sessions because they keep you both focused on your issues for an extended period of time. You will receive over 15 hours of personalized counseling, coaching and marriage building exercises that will fan the flame of your marriage back to life.
– Jan. 15-17, 2016 (Black Rock Retreat) Lancaster, Pa
– Feb. 26-28, (Sandy Cove) Md