Celebrating Advent as a Family – The Christ Candle

I was reading a letter to the editor on a local news website that asked everyone to wish people “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.”  Scanning to the comments section, I noticed one person who made this comment – “I am not Christian but I celebrate a non-religious holiday that happens to fall on December 25th. I still call it Christmas because that’s what we have always called it. It’s about spending the day with family, relaxing and exchanging gifts to show how much the other person means to you.”

Now, read that comment again.  What was your reaction to it?  At first I chuckled, but then I thought that sadly, there are a lot of people who would probably agree with this person.  How can we help our kids avoid becoming of them?

In the center of the advent wreath stands the Christ Candle.  Pure white, it is traditionally lit on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.  The Christ Candle helps to remind us that Christ should indeed be the center of everything we do, including celebrating Christmas.  As parents, we need to lead our children here.  How do we keep Jesus at the center of our celebration?  Here are a few ideas:

Attend at Christmas Eve Candlelight Service. Many churches hold a candlelight service on Christmas Eve.  A wonderful way to begin the celebration, your kids will love holding a candle.

Bake a birthday cake for Jesus and sing “Happy Birthday” at the meal. After all, it’s His birthday we are celebrating!

Wrap up three gifts for Jesus and put them under the tree. The gifts can be things that you are going to donate to a local shelter or outreach ministry, such as baby bottles and diapers for a pregnancy center, or food for a local food bank.  Why three gifts?  In honor of the 3 gifts of the Magi, of course!  To make even more of a connection to the Christmas story, donate the gifts to a local homeless shelter, since there was no room in the inn for Joseph and Mary.

Read the Christmas Story and sing carols before opening the gifts. Each member of the family can pick their favorite and everyone can sing one verse of the song.  If you have a youngster who is learning to read, have them help read the story!

Have each child receive three packages for Christmas. Like the three gifts to Jesus, this helps remind us of the Magi.

Have a Christmas Meal for your immediate family. Start a new tradition for your family by having a separate, special meal to celebrate Christ on the days leading up to Christmas.  Perhaps you could read the story from Matthew (as opposed to Luke) and eat by candlelight to make this meal unique among all of the other Christmas get-togethers.

Watch a Christmas Movie.  No, I don’t mean “The Santa Clause”!  Have the whole family settle in to watch a movie that tells the Christmas story.  A great way to spend the evening!  My recommendation: The Nativity Story.  Dad’s – I know that there are some great NBA games on the TV in the evening, but LeBron will play Kobe another time this year, I promise!

I’m sure there are other great ideas for keeping Jesus the center of our Christmas celebration.  If there is something your family does, please share it in the comments section!

Have a wonderful time together as a family this Friday.  I wish all of you a truly Merry Christmas!

- Scott

Celebrating Advent as a Family – The Candle of Peace

One of the most common phrases that you will hear during December (well, besides “Some Assembly Required”) is “Peace on Earth”.  The phrase comes from the announcement of Jesus’ birth by the angels to the shepherds in Luke 2:14, but many people don’t seem to understand that.  As parents we need to make sure that our kids are not in that group!

Thankfully, the Advent Wreath can help us.  Most traditions have one Sunday devoted to peace, and the one that we have been following designates the 4^th candle as the Candle of Peace.  Jesus is called the “Prince of Peace” in Isaiah 9:6, and so we want to talk to our kids about how believing in Jesus as our Savior will give them true peace.

And that is one way that our faith and world are at odds.   Like many aspects of the Advent season, the meaning of “peace on earth” seems to have been altered to fit a more secular view of the world.  To many (especially nonbelievers) the peace that they are referring to is a sense of military peace or peace between the nations.  While I am obviously all for that, it isn’t the peace that the angels were talking about.

If an end to hostilities isn’t what the angels meant, what did they mean?  Jesus would eventually bring peace on earth. He would do it first through His sacrifice on the cross, making peace between God and sinful man (Romans 5:1) possible.  The Bible tells that He will return (soon, I pray) in glory, bringing peace to the earth with the sword (Revelation 19:11-21).  Jesus will have to impose peace at His second coming, but once He does, the earth will have real peace.   The birth of God’s Son in Bethlehem meant that process of bringing true peace to the earth began.

For our kids (especially younger ones), all of this may be a bit difficult to comprehend.  Let’s face it; we adults sometimes struggle to fully grasp all that Jesus’ birth means!  But the more our children hear about God’s peace, the more they will grow in their faith.

One great and practical way to practice peace this week is to simply practice forgiveness.  Ask your kids if there is anyone they are angry or upset with (perhaps a sibling?) that they need to be at peace with.  Help them work through their emotions and show them how to actively practice forgiveness.

Parents, we need to lead by example here.  Many family Christmas gatherings are coming up, are we at peace with everyone who will be coming?  While it may not be wise to tell our kids who specifically we need to forgive (Hey, Uncle Bob, my Dad said that you and him aren’t getting along, but he forgives you!), we can let them know that we are going to be practicing forgiveness just like them.

Let’s commit to not settling for “getting along” with our family members for Christmas.  Instead, let’s commit to giving the gift of forgiveness, and celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace together.

-         Scott

Coming up early next week – some practical ways to incorporate Christ into Christmas morning.  To read about some other great ways to celebrate Christmas as a family, visit our website at www.hotrfm.org.

Celebrating Advent as a Family – The Candle of Joy

There is no questioning the strong emotions that Christmas music creates in people.  Retailers know this, which is why they start pumping in Christmas music shortly after Halloween.  Radio stations know this, which is why they compete to be the first one in the area to start playing Christmas music.  One local radio station went to an all-Christmas music format more than two weeks BEFORE Thanksgiving!

We all have our favorite Christmas carols, and our spirits lift at least a little when we hear them.  We stop what we are doing, sing along, and smile.  Christmas music, perhaps more than anything else, gives us joy during the holidays.

And this year, it seems joy has been a little harder to come by.  Everyone knows someone who has lost their job (or has lost theirs), every school district, township, county, and state is talking about raising taxes, the country is still fighting two wars abroad, and the swine flu has a lot of people scared to even shake hands.  Now, perhaps more than ever, is the time when we need to be intentionally filling our lives with joy.

Just in time, the third week of advent signals an emotional transition.  After two weeks of reflection about our need for a Savior, we begin to celebrate the joyous occasion of His birth!  The candle for this week is often called the Candle of Joy, and traditionally it is pink or rose instead of purple.  The third Sunday in advent is sometimes called Gaudete Sunday (Gaudete is the Latin word for “rejoice”).  Years ago many pastors would wear a rose or even pink robe for the Sunday service, and often the entire sanctuary would be decorated in those colors.  The purpose was to have everything in the service be devoted to reminding the people of the  joy that Jesus’ birth gives to His people!

This week I would encourage you to rejoice together as a family, and I can think of no better way than to sing some of your favorite Christmas carols together.  But rather than just sing, I would encourage you to take some time to first read the words of the songs together and discuss them as a family.  What was the hymn-writer trying to say about the birth of Jesus?  How we incorporate those thoughts into our thoughts?  How does this song connect with the Christmas story found in Scripture?  What does “Gloria in excelsis Deo” mean anyway?  When we ask and help answer those questions with our kids, we not get the blessing of helping them grow in our faith, we also get the blessing of spending meaningful time together as a family!  Perhaps you will even start a new Christmas tradition.

Too often we (well, at least I) will sing along with a song and not even think about the words we are singing.  How much more joyful will we be when we do?  Have fun this week singing songs of joy together, and if you’re going to sing “Angels We Have Heard on High”, let me know, I may stop by!

-Scott

Celebrating Advent as a Family – The Candle of the Way

Note – There are several different interpretations of the advent wreath.  While all of them begin with the Candle of Hope, they differ slightly for the remaining weeks of advent.  For example, the candles may stand for peace, joy and love, or Bethlehem, Angels, Shepherds.  For our series we are using one of the older traditions.

Like many of you, my family spent some of our Thanksgiving weekend “decking the halls” for Christmas.  I tackled the outside lights, and for once I managed to get them all up without seriously damaging something!  The rest of the family worked on the inside of our house, and now most of our rooms are filled with red and green decorations.

What is interesting about that (at least to me) is that while red and green are the “traditional” colors of Christmas, they aren’t the primary colors of Advent.  The main color of Advent is actually purple!  In most Advent wreaths three of the candles are purple.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  The first is that purple is traditionally the color of royalty, and so we should use it to celebrate and help remind us that Jesus is the King of Kings.

The second reason is that purple is also the color of repentance.  We don’t often think of the Christmas season as a time of repentance, but this is actually a great opportunity to talk to our kids about their need for a Savior and their need to turn from their sin.

Perhaps that is why the second candle of the advent wreath is sometimes called the Candle of the Way.  We all live in the darkness of sin, but Jesus is the light that can show us the Way out of that darkness.  If you talk about this while lighting the candle in a dark room you can give your kids a great visual experience of what you are teaching them!  In John 14:6 Jesus refers to Himself as the “Way, Truth, and the Light” (a great verse to memorize as a family this week).

I would also encourage you to share your own salvation story with your kids this week, especially if you’ve never done that before.  It is critical for our kids to know how we came to trust in Jesus.  Even if your story doesn’t involve a miraculous rescue from despair, it is still meaningful and meant to be shared.  Better still, have your kids ask their grandparents (or Aunts and Uncles) how they came to know Christ!  We all want our children to accept Jesus, and those family stories are one way that we can help them on their journey to salvation.  The more they hear about how God has redeemed the people they love the most, the more real their faith will be to them.

So take one night this week and sit down with some Christmas cookies, and share with your kids.  It will be the best gift you can give them this Christmas!

-Scott

PS – Visit www.hotrfm.com and scroll down to the articles section to find some great outreach ideas!  Perhaps you can help someone receive the gift of salvation this year.

Lucky Man

Whether or not you are a country music fan, you may be able to relate to lyrics of a song by the group Montgomery Gentry called “Lucky Man”:

I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the sun’s too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I’ve got

I was reminded of these lyrics this past Saturday when Mary and I took our kids shopping to fill shoeboxes for Samaritans Purse’s Operation Christmas Child ministry.  Greg and Abby had such fun picking out these very small items to give to a child that they will never meet.  A child that will be thrilled to get one small box that has a toothbrush, soap, and pencils in it for Christmas.

The shopping trip made me think about just how blessed my family is, and how often I fail to recognize it!  Like the character in the song, I too tend to look around at what everyone else has, and forget about all I’ve got.  It is so easy to turn to our possessions for happiness, satisfaction, and contentment.  Yet, they will never give us any of those things.

It is not without irony that next Thursday many people will give thanks to God for what they have, and then on Friday go out to get more!  Doesn’t it seem like we are sending God a mixed message?  I’ve shopped on Black Friday too (every year I say I’m not going to, and every year I end up out with the masses), so I am as guilty at this as anyone.

Just as importantly, are we sending mixed signals to our kids?  Are we telling them to be thankful for what they have in one breath and asking them for their Christmas lists in the next?  This is the thought that I personally struggle with.  I want my kids to have a great Christmas.  I love watching their faces as they open their presents, and the excitement in their voice as they scream “Thank you” and give hugs.  Yet I also want them to understand that true happiness and contentment can only come from a vibrant walk with God.

So, how do we parents (or grandparents) do that?  What has worked for you?  I’m going to share a couple of thoughts in the next blog update, but until then, leave a comment on how you help your kids understand just how blessed they are.

-Scott

Ministering to Stepfamilies – Part One

  I was at a ministry event in Altoona back in September, talking to the folks there about House on the Rock.  One of the men who stopped by my booth asked me if we ever minister to stepfamilies.  As I was assuring him that we certainly do and in fact encourage churches to look for ways to help remarried couples and stepfamiles, I saw his eyes well up.  Voice cracking, he told me “My wife and I have combined our families and need help, but our church doesn’t seem to care.”  Wow, what an invitation to share!  As I talked with the man, hoping that what I was saying was encouraging him, I couldn’t help but wonder what his church was like and why he felt the way he did.   

The US Census Bureau estimates that over 1300 new stepfamilies are formed every day.  It is highly likely that each person reading this post is a stepchild, stepmother or stepfather, or knows of someone close to them who is.  Yet as prominent in our culture as the stepfamily is, and despite the fact that around 66% of remarriages ultimately fail, churches often lack the resources and ministries to meet the needs of the stepfamily.

 Why?  There are probably several reasons, and my purpose isn’t to “indict” your church.  Many times church leadership just hasn’t really considered it.  Sometimes it is a financial reality – there just isn’t enough room in the church budget to accommodate every possible ministry.  Other times it may be simply an issue of ministry philosophy, as some churches strive to have as few “programs” as possible. 

 By and large, however, the real reason comes down to congregations being afraid of “condoning” divorce by ministering to stepfamilies.  Ron Deal, the President of Successful Stepfamilies, responded to this concern in an interview by saying “…working with stepfamilies is not about condoning their past.  It is about preventing the pressures and peculiarities of stepfamily life from keeping people from serving their Lord.” 

 I would agree with Deal.  God’s plan for marriage (one man and one women committed for a lifetime) must be held in the highest regard.  Remarried couples need to know that God’s expectations for their marriage haven’t changed – it is a covenant that is to last to eternity.  As Deal puts it “Churches must be just as serious about preventing divorce in second (or subsequent) marriages as we are in preventing divorce in first marriages.”   We at House on the Rock would respond with a hearty “Amen!” to that.

What congregations may not realize is that most remarried couples don’t need someone to point out their failures to them – they are doing enough of that to themselves!  In fact, the personal sense of guilt and failure that many divorcees feel makes it difficult for them to even come to a church.  That is what Satan wants, to isolate stepfamilies from Christians and make them fend for themselves!

 So how can the church support stepfamilies?  Here are a few thoughts to get you thinking, with a few more to follow in the next blog post. 

First, seek to understand.  It is popular to refer to stepfamilies as being “blended”.  While that is certainly a “softer” term, and isn’t necessarily a wrong thing by any means, the term blended may make it harder for people to understand stepfamilies.  Stepfamilies rarely fully “blend”.  Parts of the two (or more) unique family cultures, traditions, and simple ways of being remain long after the remarriage.  The sheer complexity of relationships within a stepfamily can be overwhelming to some.  This isn’t to say that stepfamilies can’t develop meaningful close relationships, but there will always be differences.  Congregations need to understand that stepfamilies may look like a traditional family, but they usually have little in common with it.

 Seeking to understand also means avoiding viewing stepfamilies through the “Brady Bunch” lens.  Remember the theme song to that show – “…and they knew it was much more than a hunch, that this group would somehow form a family…”?  The Brady Bunch showcased a stepfamily utopia that was certainly very Hollywood, but certainly not realistic.  Unfortunately, that is how many people still think that stepfamilies can and should function.  It is just not so.  The fact remains that for any stepfamily to be born a tremendous loss has to occur (either the death of a parent or a divorce).  That hurt can continue for a long time.

 Welcome stepfamilies to your church.

Stepfamilies often feel out of place in churches, where every family has its best face forward.  Many traditional families are very good at hiding any tension or turmoil or issues for a few hours on Sunday mornings.  The stepfamily’s issues are out in the open for everyone to see.  Small gestures go along way, like acknowledging stepmoms on Mother’s Day or including some practical applications for stepfamilies during the morning sermons.  Remember that the typical lesson applications often do not apply to members of stepfamilies.

 Perhaps the biggest key to welcoming stepfamilies is to simply be positive and patient.  Most family experts agree that adjusting to life within a stepfamily takes at least seven years (some would argue that the adjustment is never truly complete).  That means that there are going to be many times when words of encouragement and exhortations to keep going are needed.  Stepfamilies need to know that the church will always be there to support them.

-Scott

Note – Dennis Rainey’s book, Ministering to 21st Century Families is a source for some of the information above, and is a great resource for anyone interesting in family ministry.

Five Foundations for Parenting – Part Five

Allow me to paint the following picture for you:  Jack and Jill fall madly in love, get married and start a family.  Jill loves being a mom, and because she feels her first priority is the kids, she devotes all of her time and energy into raising them.  This leaves little time and energy for Jack.  Jack loves his work, and because he feels his first priority is to be a provider (and since Jill is always busy with the kids), he pours all of his time and energy into his career.  Soon Jack and Jill are co-existing more than anything else.  They know it, the kids know it, and everyone is unhappy.

 I imagine that you might know a family that is in this situation.  The roles may be reversed or the details a little different, but the big picture remains.  Two people, who have good intentions about being a mom and dad (there is nothing inherently wrong in putting energy into your kids’ lives or your career) find themselves living separate lives under the same roof.  What do you think will happen once the kids grow up and move out?

 In order to prevent the above scenario from happening to our families, we parents need to remember the fifth foundation of parenting:

 Foundational Truth #5

 Good Parenting Means Putting Your Spouse Before The Kids

 This seems to be backwards, doesn’t it?  I mean, if we want to be good parents shouldn’t we be putting our kids first?  Aren’t our kids’ needs more important than our own?

 I believe that kids have two overarching desires in life – a) they want to know that both of their parents love them, and b) they want to know that their parents love each other.  When they “catch” us showing our love for each other to each other, our kids feel safe and secure.  It is in that kind of environment that our kids can thrive.

 (Allow me to pause here to acknowledge that you may be reading this and life circumstances are such that this foundation seems like it doesn’t apply.   I hope to encourage you by saying that any home life where a child feels safe and loved is a great foundation for success!)

 So how do we put our spouse first?  There are many ways, but here are a few suggestions.  First, we need to have fun together as couples, by which I mean time spent apart from the kids.  Of course, this means that we need to intentionally schedule “date nights” or weekend getaways, but we also need to work to carve out some time on a daily basis to connect, share, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.  If we become so busy that we miss these times, than we are forfeiting one of the true joys of marriage.

 Secondly, we need to invest time in each other’s interests and find some things that we love to do together as husband and wife.  For some of us investing in each other’s interests is easy, for others it is very hard! 

 Along with this investment, we also need to invest time in finding the love language that best speaks to our partner.  When I was dating my wife, I tried to convey my love for her by buying her gifts.  It took me a while (I’m a little slow on these things!), but I figured out that gifts weren’t really Mary’s primary love language (she would much rather I wash the dishes or turn off the Phillies to sit and talk with her).  If you’re not sure what your spouse’s love language is, ask them!  It is a fun conversation to have.

 Lastly, we need to make sure that we don’t lose physical intimacy with our spouse.  I’m not just talking about sex, although that is certainly a part of physical intimacy.  I am also talking about the ways that we physically express our love for our spouse, whether it is putting your arm around them when you are sitting next to each other, holding hands, giving hugs or kisses, etc…  Not only are these simple moments of affection communicating our love to our spouse, they also communicate love to our kids (they will pretend to be “grossed out” by it, but trust me, they like seeing it!).

 The foundation for any family must be based on love, and we love our kids by first loving God and then loving our spouse.  I encourage you to talk to your spouse (God’s gift to you) this week about how you can connect to each other in more meaningful ways.

 -Scott

Five Foundations for Parenting – Part Three

Shortly after my daughter Abby was born I was talking to an elderly neighbor of mine and giving the “play by play” of welcoming her into the world.  He chuckled and remarked that times sure had changed.  When I asked him what he meant by that, he replied that when his daughter was born his job was to drive his wife to the hospital.  The nurses met him at the front door, put his wife in a wheelchair, and told him they would give him a call when the baby was born.  He was right, times have changed!

 I share that brief story with you for two reasons: a) it cracks me up each time I think about it (try getting away with that level of involvement today, dads!), and b) it really speaks to the culture change that has occurred in parenting over the years.  It is this change leads me to our third foundation of parenting.

 Foundational Truth #3

 Good Parenting is Good Relating.

 One of the things about life that I have found to be true is that your relation to someone is not nearly as important as your relationship with them.  As parents, we need to be working on our relationship with our children.  Hebrews 12:6 helps explain why: “because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”  Once again, in the Word God gives us the model as to how we should relate to our kids (isn’t it amazing how often he does that?).  God does correct his children, but he does it because he actively loves and accepts them. 

 I can accept God’s prodding and discipline (of course, sometimes I kick and scream a little!) because of how he continually demonstrates how much he loves me.  The same is needs to be true with my kids.  The more I actively (that’s the key – relationship building isn’t a passive thing) demonstrate to Greg, Abby, and Trent that I love them and that they are a priority in my life, the better our relationship will be and the better parent I will be. 

 This doesn’t mean that I am going to try to be their friend.  In fact, if that is the case then I am settling for a lesser relationship.  I want to be their dad!

 For many of us, this idea of building a loving relationship with our kids is very different from how our great-grandparents, grandparents, and even parents parented.  And if that is true, it is important for us to understand the times in which they were parenting and (as Bruce says) “slide them a little slack”!  For a long time the main role of the father, for instance, was to provide 3 square meals a day, clothes on their back, and a roof over their head.  Physical contact was limited to a pat on the head (and/or a swat to the backside!). 

 Our relationship with our kids should be more than that.  For some of us (and let’s be honest, this is typically a guy issue, although not always), physically and/or verbally demonstrating our love to our kids can be uncomfortable.  If it is, I encourage you to find a way.  There is no greater tribute that a child can say about their parents than “I always knew that they loved me.”  I say this about my parents all the time, and I hope and pray that will be the case for my children as well.

A few generations ago many people believed that children should be “seen and not heard.”   We need to understand that our kids are more likely to “cause a scene and act like a herd”!  And that’s ok, it gives us a chance to work on our relationship.

- Scott

Five Foundations for Parenting – Part Two

I still remember the morning of my son Greg’s first day of Kindergarten.  As we walked to the bus stop (Well, I walked - Greg skipped, ran, and jumped) I started to get a lump in my throat.  It got worse as I gave him a hug goodbye, and as he turned and waved the tears welled up in my eyes.  Fairly typical stuff for your oldest child’s first day of school!

But here’s the real interesting part – it happened again last year for first grade, and this year for second grade!  Now, I’m not an overly emotional guy, but something about that first day of school really gets to me.  And that leads me to the next foundation of parenting.

Foundational Truth #2

Good Parental Power is Limited.

Proverbs 22:6 states “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”   This truth should be all the motivation we parents need to invest all we have into our kids.  After all, a vibrant walk with the Lord is what we all want for our kids, right?  But how do we counsel the parent who has trained their child and has seen them “turn from it?” 

If we believe (and I do) that the Bible is the inspired and inerrant Word, then verses like Proverbs 22:6 can be troubling.  But they needn’t be.  When we read and interpret the Bible we need to understand what type of literature we are reading.  Proverbs may best be described as “wise sayings that are generally true”.  They are not guarantees.  Unfortunately some parents feel tremendous guilt when they see their children stray from the faith, feeling like they have somehow failed.  The fact is that our faith as parents can’t save our kids.  As they grow it is up to them to choose to walk with God. 

A good friend of mine once said that the first day of Kindergarten (or preschool) is the also the last day a parent has exclusive influence on their child’s life.  I agree, and I think that is why the first day of school is always so tough on me – each year I lose a little more influence on Greg’s life.  Slowly other influences like school, friends, and media are going to make an impact.  I think that is what I’m “mourning” on that morning!   The power and influence that I have over Greg’s (and soon Abby’s and Trent’s) life is going to become more and more limited.  

The good news?  While I may lose my exclusive influence, I’ll always have the most influence! 

And the truth is, that’s way it’s supposed to work.  I don’t want my kids to be completely dependent on me when they turn eighteen.  In fact, I won’t have done my job as a parent if they are!  But I do want to remain a guiding influence in their lives, so I need to take the steps necessary to make sure that happens.  I want them to choose to walk with God because of the work that He has done in their lives, and the best way to do that is show them the work that He has done in mine.  After that, I can only pray that they will choose Him.

As parents we need to recognize that while we are tasked with loving, teaching to, modeling for, and praying for our kids, it is God who is mighty to save them.

- Scott

Open doors & windows too!

It’s been a while since I’ve been out here … lots happened since February …

The Lord is opening doors for us to serve more families and churches.  We have added a new part time staff member to help us develop the ministry and work with our partner churches.  Dr. Larsh is a long time personal friend and family ministry colleague.  He is a great addition to our ministry team.

We have some breaking news in that we have been invited to minister to a local Catholic church here in town … to do our FAMILY R We and a marriage event in February … so the Lord is opening up some new doorways!

Pray too for the Lord to open some windows of heaven … we need some showers of blessing!  The “sagging economy” is affecting us … the good news is that events are still coming in … the need for our ministry is increasing! 

It seems as though one should produce the other … not always the case … we need to listen to the still small voice to make sure it is the Lord that is leading and blessing and not the efforts of all of us on staff … hard lesson … though listening … I appreciate your prayers!